The Lone Ranger has been busy over the last few decades building a multi-million dollar cattle and railroad securities firm. Tonto has been an outstanding employee for many years, but over time his methods and tools/weapons have become outdated and he needs to adjust to the ever-changing modern world of security threats.
The Lone Ranger keeps putting Tonto on Performance Improvement Plans but Tonto repeatedly (perhaps over the course of few sketches) manages to not only save his job but make the Lone Ranger look like an asshole/idiot. An office environment will be needed for this sketch, as well as auxiliary characters. The Lone Ranger’s over-eager Japanese secretary/personal assistant is extremely excited to be working for one of his American heroes who he compares to John Wayne, much to the chagrin of the less popular and more PC Lone Ranger. Tonto plays up the fact that John Wayne was less forward thinking than the Lone Ranger because he knows it irritates and embarrasses him. You see, the Lone Ranger is not an evil man, he’s just a greedy capitalist who only uses pure silver bullets and spends a lot on fancy handkerchiefs.
This is my tribute to Sherman Alexie. I loved The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven (and Smoke Signals) and I want to pay homage to him by creating a sketch involving Native American relations with white men in the corporate environment in a way that shows the lack of efficiency in modern bureaucracy and technology. I also aim to poke fun at the lack of soul and compassion in the stereotypical corporation.
Silver Linings is the heartwarming yet side splitting tale of a retirement home and its staff, residents and their family visitors. There’s the elderly female porn star who often mistakes staff or other residents for past co stars and sometimes thinks she’s on the set of an adult film. There’s the retired “Jack Bauer” character for whom even a trip to the bathroom is a matter of national security. The Director of the Silver Linings facility is reminiscent of a John Cleese character from Fawlty Towers: always stressing out each episode because of some important guest he wants to impress. Invariably, the staff and residents betray his efforts by simply being their hilarious selves.
This is my hilarious social commentary about the less than stellar way American culture views and treats senior citizens. This would be portrayed by lackluster family members, apathetic/unskilled staff and ridiculous rules imposed by the huge, faceless corporate parent company, Happy Endings Inc. They also own and operate the popular Sunset Cruise lines.
A Reggaeton music video of a cat wearing dreads and rasta clothing. A bombastic rudeboy laying down a subliminal bass and jungle riddim. Very low strong male bass vocals with a strong Reggaeton feel. Hard to convey in writing,
“Boowa Boowa…. now I’m steppin on your nuts, Boowah Boowah… now ya can’t have any cubs. Boom I come atch ya… boom when I scratch ya…” etc. etc. It’s Bam Bam Boing when I’m landin on your groin… It’s a damn damn shame now yer layin dere in pain. I’m steppin in da kitchen, I’m steppin on da couch, yer nuts is where I’m steppin love to hear ya say “ouch!”
Boowa Boowa…. now I’m steppin on your nuts, Boowah Boowah… now ya can’t have any cubs. I munch a fat Nip den I’m all up on your tip, best be feedin me dem crunchies or I’ll make you trip. Black like pepper, I’m da real go getta, stealthy like da leopard and da nut is where I steppa!
Boowa Boowa…. now I’m steppin on your nuts, Boowah Boowah… now ya can’t have any cubs.
I would definitely want a green screen for this one and a good Rastafarian cat puppet.
This sketch is about a San Francisco based moving company with a flair for the dramatic. The oiled hard bodied laborers are cheered on by a flamboyant mascot in a giant pink styrofoam “packing peanut” costume. The mascot pronounces the company name as “Packing Penis” while energetically trying to sell moving services to “straight” characters, who are obviously uncomfortable with the approach. A commercial could be done, and either the commercial or the crew could be recalled in another sketch.
A game show set in the 70’s where infamous villains from history are interviewed and can win money and prizes by correctly answering questions about other evil, infamous characters from history. The host interviews and sardonically showcases darkly hilarious “facts” (some are made up) about the villains’ personal lives.
Seventies game show style setting. Lots of yellow, brown, orange and puke green, bad hairstyles on the contestants and perhaps a toupee for the host. The quintessential long skinny silver microphone reminiscent of Bob Barker in the early days. Guests would include Adolf Hitler, Charles Manson, Genghis Khan, Napoleon, etc. There is always one thing at the close of each show: the host remarks that “they can never take that away” from the villain, such as Hitler’s mustache or Manson’s swastika tattoo. Maybe?
The eerie silence in the lonely shuttle is broken by the guttural noise of a half sigh half grunt. Its sole occupant, one lonely pilot, is agonizing over the beautifully painful memory of the New Jersey shoreline sunrise he photographed so long ago. It would be winter there now, Ross mused.